Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Joy of Man

“Come visit me,” he whispered. “I could kidnap you, make you walk the beaches with me, torture you with great dinners and wonderful conversation. You could bring your angst and allow the time away to make it go...It’s amazing what time away can do.”

He is the friend of a friend, a man who handles things. He solves problems and fixes difficulties. With an invisible finesse, he took the weight off my shoulders and dispersed it to … where? I don't know. But I know it was peaceful to be with him. I know I could breathe with him.

The wind blew through my hair as we walked along the beach, and he listened as I spoke my rusty Spanish to the Mexican waiter who asked for my phone number. He checked in with me when I drove to the next town over, making sure I knew how to get where I was going, and he patiently waited as I answered the age old woman’s question. What should I wear?

Sitting across from this man, I realized how precious are men in my life. The touch of a man can quiet the most profound fears and can soothe the fiercest worry if we allow it. And in that moment, it became visceral that this will not be an option for me in a very short time. Soon I will not be able to talk or flirt with a man. Soon I will be discouraged from even looking at men. My eyes lingered over his face, the lines a testament to his serious ways and his raucous joy. Touching his hand, I knew I’d rarely get this chance again for the next year, and I enjoyed it. I felt the impending abstinence acutely; I lived boldly in the moment. I couldn’t get enough of touching him, looking at him. There was no satiation. It was not enough. Nothing was enough. Truly, I felt like a woman with a man who was that - a man. It was deliciously juicy.

As our time came to end, I cuddled up close to him, feeling his heart beating against his chest, smelling his masculine scent, and listening to the deep rumble of his voice as he soothed my worries. It was a good week. Too quick, too short, but still good. He woke me up.

And you know what? He was right. It’s amazing what time away can do.

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