Thursday, December 17, 2009

Holiday Mornings

It’s dark here, early morning. There are ribbons of light just beginning to streak across the sky heralding a new day. A new day. Yes, that is what it is. A new day, a new dawning.

I sit under the Christmas tree, hot cup of coffee next to me, a bowl of oatmeal warming my hands. The tree is covered in love, each ornament carefully selected to express a fond memory, a place, an experience, a person that warms the heart. It is my aunt and uncle’s tree. Such a life they’ve lived! Each one married to another and then finding themselves alone, seeking out their old high school flame. And now forty years later they are closing in on ten years together. It is such a joy to bear witness to their love.

We decorated the tree together, they and I. The fireplace glowing and the Jimmy Stewart classic, It’s a Wonderful Life, whispering from the television. They have told me the story of each ornament – the bells from their wedding, the replica castle form one of their cruises, the John Deere tractors that bring such joy to my uncle, the teddy bears that call to my aunt. Kokopelli, a man surfing on a dolphin, the cardinal airplane, the snow people sexing it up – they are all there. And the white twinkly lights to bring focus to each one.

I think of how I would have missed that night if I’d gone away. I think of all the magic that has happened in my life in the last few weeks. Here in this house, I have found a home. I can eat what I want, I can turn music on that I like, I can do my laundry or cook a meal. I am accepted here, and the love they have for me has made me a part of their family. I belong.

And that, my dear friends, is the true miracle of this holiday season of light and warmth. The complete acceptance of people who love and trust your heart. I have never felt this way before. It is like being able to relax and to breathe deeply. I do not have to pretend to be happy. I am happy. I do not have to search inside to be caring. I do care. I don’t have to like walking the dogs, but I do like it. In this house, I am free to be who I am. And that is wonderful, that is freeing. I am me, completely, when I am here.

Thank you, dear Aunt Fab and Uncle Kindness. Thank you for your love.

Happy holidays everyone! May you too experience the miracle of love.

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