Saturday, October 15, 2011
In the 12 steps, we say that we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity which leads us to the third step in which we make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G*d as we understand G*d. Forever this has been a problem for me. I've struggled with this very basic concept - and how many years have I been following 12 step philosophy? About 20 now. In the last few months it has been on my mind yet again. Swirling through the spiral and back to steps one, two, and three.
There is a poem? prayer? saying? from Wicca that has always been my understanding of G*d:
The Charge of the G*ddess:
I who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters,
I call upon you soul to arise and come unto me.
For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe.
From me all things proceed and unto me they must return.
Let my worship be in the heart that rejoices,
for behold - all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.
Let there be beauty and strength,
power and compassion,
honor and humility,
mirth and reverence within you.
And you who seek to know me,
know that your seeking and yearning will avail you not unless you know the mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.
For behold, I have been with you from the beginning.
I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
And so today, in my meditation, I realized I have not allowed myself to embrace my own belief. I have been afraid.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
I believe that pleasure heals.
I believe that love heals.
I believe that fear is the opposite of love.
I believe that I shine.
Somewhere in the deepest part of me that I do not allow myself to look at, I shine.
I believe it is time to embrace my beliefs
and to love
and to please myself
and to shine.
It is time. It is time. At last, it is time.